A sudden depart.

This misery is so repeated,
and these tears have become a simple routine.
But to my misfortune, I'm still left feeling hurt,
because you threw words at my heart that you obviously did not mean.

I never deliberated that it could happen in the snap of your finger;
in the blink of my eye;
in the fall of a raindrop;
or that it would make me want to fall down and cry.

I loathe at the fact that I didn't see it coming,
For not seeing that this was your intention from the very start.
And now you leave hanging, feeling worthless,
leaving me out on display as your most catastrophic work of art.

But you never cared for art, did you?
You never considered things that I admired.
I was your boring, nightly entertainment
but it's clear I was nothing that you had ever desired.

Such apathetic happenings
left me feeling nothing but despondent.
And as I struggle and turn, agitated in my bed,
I can tell that your eyes are shut with feelings of content.

Anger is flowing through my veins,
but the melancholy makes it too overwhelming to notice.
You have blinded me, to the sight of my own pain
and my eyes are finding it impossible to refocus.

So I hope everything is just how you wanted,
as I fall asleep to the pumping of my pitiable heart.
And my mind can't help but scream "Fuck you",
as I wistfully watch the last, and most sudden, of my torturous departs.

I thought you were worth every tear drop that is falling from my face,
and I find that my biggest abhorrence is that I was right.
I never measured up to your perfection, and never could if I tried,
So I guess I am deserving of this other sleepless night.

Awkward infatuation.

This can't be right,
I can't possibly be falling again.
Because if it's true, then I am still so dismally naive,
And I will fall harder than Seattle rain.

But in your arms, I felt the peak of my euphoria
I was no longer despondent; I didn't lack a feeling of protection.
I felt more alive than I had in 5 enduring months;
& something tells me you weren't fooling me with distorted affection.

I am so exhausted of cultivating abandonment;
I just want you here by my side,
With our conflicting personalities and awkward infatuation,
We somehow find a way where we can collide.

Outside thoughts laugh with their contemptuous smiles,
believing I'm nothing but intensely enamored.
But I don't believe my thoughts are as fabricated as they appear,
and I will pay no attention to their cynical clamor.

This has to be right,
I am foolishly falling again.
I know in the end you'll be nothing but another consecutive regret,
but I'm convinced that you're worth the pain.