Before I met you.

Before you life was different,
and chaos was my only friend
But things make sense when you're around.

We're all just like the rain
Never wanted, but always beautiful
and it seems on days of our predicted sunshine...
those are the days we decide to fall.

These thoughts were only meant for me,
and I think that you came too soon.
Because these hands were never meant to hold,
...before I met you.

Maybe it's the way the moon illuminates
every color in your eyes
Maybe it's the way you let your feelings show
while we're staring into the night sky
You said "I'm in love with your smile,
and I'm in love with your grace"
And while the radio sang us a lullaby,
in each other's arms,
we started to dream.

These thoughts were only meant for me
And I think that you came too soon.
Because these hands were never meant to hold,
...before I met you.

This is to the secret that we chose to withhold,
and never let be known.
This is to my heart's first break
and to its deterioration I cannot show.
It's to the whispers we shared at 2:58,
and the way life was suppose to go...
And even though chaos was my lingering friend,
I was not discouraged to let him go.

Because these thoughts were only meant to be shared between us.
And why did it take you so long to show up here?
Because you said you never knew of love
before you met me.

These thoughts were only meant for me,
and I think that you came too soon.
Because these hands were never meant to hold,
...before I met you.

A sudden depart.

This misery is so repeated,
and these tears have become a simple routine.
But to my misfortune, I'm still left feeling hurt,
because you threw words at my heart that you obviously did not mean.

I never deliberated that it could happen in the snap of your finger;
in the blink of my eye;
in the fall of a raindrop;
or that it would make me want to fall down and cry.

I loathe at the fact that I didn't see it coming,
For not seeing that this was your intention from the very start.
And now you leave hanging, feeling worthless,
leaving me out on display as your most catastrophic work of art.

But you never cared for art, did you?
You never considered things that I admired.
I was your boring, nightly entertainment
but it's clear I was nothing that you had ever desired.

Such apathetic happenings
left me feeling nothing but despondent.
And as I struggle and turn, agitated in my bed,
I can tell that your eyes are shut with feelings of content.

Anger is flowing through my veins,
but the melancholy makes it too overwhelming to notice.
You have blinded me, to the sight of my own pain
and my eyes are finding it impossible to refocus.

So I hope everything is just how you wanted,
as I fall asleep to the pumping of my pitiable heart.
And my mind can't help but scream "Fuck you",
as I wistfully watch the last, and most sudden, of my torturous departs.

I thought you were worth every tear drop that is falling from my face,
and I find that my biggest abhorrence is that I was right.
I never measured up to your perfection, and never could if I tried,
So I guess I am deserving of this other sleepless night.

Awkward infatuation.

This can't be right,
I can't possibly be falling again.
Because if it's true, then I am still so dismally naive,
And I will fall harder than Seattle rain.

But in your arms, I felt the peak of my euphoria
I was no longer despondent; I didn't lack a feeling of protection.
I felt more alive than I had in 5 enduring months;
& something tells me you weren't fooling me with distorted affection.

I am so exhausted of cultivating abandonment;
I just want you here by my side,
With our conflicting personalities and awkward infatuation,
We somehow find a way where we can collide.

Outside thoughts laugh with their contemptuous smiles,
believing I'm nothing but intensely enamored.
But I don't believe my thoughts are as fabricated as they appear,
and I will pay no attention to their cynical clamor.

This has to be right,
I am foolishly falling again.
I know in the end you'll be nothing but another consecutive regret,
but I'm convinced that you're worth the pain.

A scattered mess.

Start the scene,
enter innocent girl and breath-taking boy
Although he is the one that makes her heart pound with insanity;
she will soon find out that she was nothing but his beautiful decoy.

She already thought she had served her suffering,
and that this scene was nothing but a repeated exaggeration,
because with a simple flash of his crooked smile
she couldn't obsesses with anything except this permanent infatuation.

But she was depressingly mistaken,
for she was about to feel her own flash flood of pain.
Because these were the teardrops than would cut deeper than a sword,
and these were the endless nights that caused her head to go absolutely insane.

And after it all, the only thing that she could get herself to wonder
was if that other girl was really worth all this mess?
That other girl that had stolen away her only amour,
The other girl that he just wouldn't confess...

And I miss the colors in your beautiful eyes,
and the way I tried to avoid your obvious, foolish lies
I miss your dazed kiss and your stupid little hat,
and the way you could make smile just like that.
I miss your ever-fulfilling laughter
and how your love was something I was so thrilled to chase after.
I miss the late night conversations filled with stories of disguise,
and how I thought you were so much different from all the other guys.
So I finally broke down crying,
because we still broke apart despite how hard I was trying.
I'm simply wishing to lie in your arms one more time
waiting for myself to make up just one more naive little rhyme..

And this is where I realize that I'm trying to convince myself
that I don't need you...
But I do.
I do.

A short stanza of indescribable emotions.

How much would it cost
to repair this broken heart?
Because there is no amount of money I could pay
to refrain me from feeling so lost.
I want so badly to believe that my songs weren't just a perish of your time,
because I have wasted so much ink and effort on you,
but I guess it was true when people said you were so extremely self-centered,
because you left me feeling nothing but used.

Another endless song.

Am I nothing but a fading voice in your head?
Or a discontent feeling,
such as heartache where love is all you bled,
and received nothing in return.

Do you think that she adores you like I do?
Do you think her heart skips a beat when you walk into the room?
Would she give it up, give it all for you, if it were just to make you smile?
I think not. Because the only girl that would ever do this,
is right in front of you.

My chest had never pounded so hard,
until the day I heard the news.
How can someone make me feel so insignificant,
yet bring such a beautiful rush that I simply can't refuse?

Do you think that she adores you like I do?
Do you think she would ever lay down and die for you?
Would she give it up, give it all for you, if it were just to make this stop?
I think not. Because the only girl that would ever do this,
is right in front of you.

You tell me that I'm magnificent,
but could these all just be your never-ending lies?
You tell me that our feelings are so close to being mutual,
but all you're proving are your needs for these ever continuous goodbyes.

Do you think she could ever give a fuck about you like I do?
Do you think she would go countless nights of no sleep, just thinking about so many different ways to keep you?
Do you think she would pour her heart out, and hand it to you for absolutely no pay?
Would she turn her head the other way
just to prevent herself from feeling her throbbing pain,
and say she would give it up, give it all for you, just to end her everlasting torture: the thought of losing you?
... Every ounce in my body thinks not. Because this girl... the only girl that would ever do this,
is right in front of you.

These goosebumps have never brought me so much false hope,
and these stars have never carried so many of my tears.
They say that love is something that not every boy wants,
and that love is so much more difficult to exchange than it ever seems to appear.
And I was trying so hard to prove them all wrong,
but all I've been left with is another sleepless night,
another crack in this pitiful heart,
and for you: another stupid, endless song.

An ocean away.

We're an ocean away and a twilight apart,
if the clouds would disappear
we could look at the stars,
& every single brilliant spec would represent a piece of my heart.

But these clouds bring me a paramount happiness;
feelings of confidentiality and thought.
yet how long before emptiness is all that preoccupies me?
and how long until this love is gone: this love that I had forever sought?

Miles are just numbers of despair for a heart,
& distance is just another excuse for it to break in two.
But my mind cannot accept this realistic truth,
because there is no limited amount of distance where I don't find myself missing you.

A story of a girl.

She had been feeling such despondency for far too long. She had been waiting for those three simple words from you to reassure her enamor; yet they had been unsuccessful. Your touch sent such a rush to her heart; yet his such a rush to her mind. Confusion is now her greatest companion, for she doesn't know how to comprehend her emotions. Long days and star-filled nights will pass before she will even think to. She believed in the faith that you failed to display; now she believes in his beautiful illusion. She believed that she could make you change for the best; now she believes in his almost perfection that does not need to be changed. She believed that she could fall in love and avoid getting hurt again; now she believes that there is no such thing. "Only lust exists" is what her mind has convinced her, so therefore she must follow. She will only accept the affection she finds herself deserving of, and from what you've shown her, she deserves nothing. From what he's shown her, she deserves everything.

So why is such complication fluttering her mind? You cannot answer this, and neither can he. But the worst part is that she lacks an answer to this question as well.

Trust.

Trust is an array of lies,
because honorable trust does not exist.
Though it might trick you with it's unreliable ways,
it will leave you with nothing but a saddening surprise.

There is a struggle in my heart
sending confusion from my mind through my spine,
because if nothing but words come out of your mouth
how will I ever be assured that you are really mine?

My mind has separated itself
into it's own cramped-up war.
One side for my heart; the other for my mind,
though neither side knows what they're fighting for.

I don't care if it's the last thing I attempt,
the last thing you see,
the last thing we remember;
Let's fix this uncontrollable mess, and return all of this unnecessary sadness.

Trust is nothing but a guilty conscience;
nothing but an on-going lie;
nothing but a thought of despair.
Trust means nothing, and has no existence.

Hero.

She had sought the great oblivion of love,
and the feeling of security that she had been so neglectful of.
She would go weeks without feeling slightly enamored,
her heart would lack insignificant clamor.
She wanted nothing more than a hand to hold,
a pair of lips to kiss,
someone to call her hero,
someone to miss.
But this was nothing but a beautiful dream,
because her heart was split into two.
And that is the very moment where she realized
that this hero had existed in her life before,
yet she is the one who bid her saddest adieu.

My Fairest Adieu.

My words remain unspoken
while your voice is bittersweet.
But I do not dare open my mouth
because then I may chance becoming free.

To ensure my heart is working
I need it to feel a slight spark or two
but with this lack of affection you deliver
it's so tempting to say my fairest adieu.

I find it more & more troublesome to convey this dissatisfaction
and even harder to choke back my tears.
But I always disregard the pain that I'm feeling
because breaking is one of my most critical of fears.

I'm beginning to believe this hurt is my addiction
because I have no intention of letting you go.
But your ignorance is becoming so overpowering,
& my voice is nothing but an echo.

Your redundant mistake.

I'm nothing but your redundant mistake.
The one who's love you refuse to partake.
You wrap and tangle me into your insufficient lies,
as I try so hard to hold back my heavy tears
while we exchange our repetitive good-byes.
I must say that it is so difficult when my heart is contradicting my mind,
and it is so capable of convincing me that you are the best I'll ever find.
I was taught from the beginning that there is no existence of true love,
and that it was so impossible and ignorant to even be written of.
But like these hammers and strings,
you are all that makes sense to me.
And just like my hammers and strings,
I refuse to make a redundant mistake.
So I watch you escape from my thoughts; my mind; my memory,
But I refuse to let you go from my heart; my song; my most blissful of a melody.

Without you.

Without you here, a feeling of emptiness mocks me.
Without you here, every single thing seems to go hazy.
Without you here, I can't seem to properly collect my thoughts.
Without you here is when I realize that you're all that I've got.

I want you here, so desperately with every little tick on the clock.
I need you here, before my heart completely shuts itself with a lock.

Without you here, just breathing seems to make myself ache.
& Without you here, my smile is beginning to make itself more and more fake.

Your Only Decoy.

You're so full of self-confidence that nobody can destroy.
But I would be the first to know that, since I was nothing but their only decoy.
You endeavored to take my heart and pump my blood for me,
because you knew that you could give me the finest of a frenzy.
Now you leave here again, and I feel like nothing but a mistake.
Because these haunted memories you left with me are the memories that will never break.
But now that you're gone my eyes can see for miles and miles.
And now that you're gone, my heart will finally get what it most desires...
Love.

Pounding in my chest.

This pounding in my chest
is something that never seems to rest.
This passion of blood flows throughout my body
because just the thought of you always seems to overwhelm me.
With a flash your crooked smile, I suddenly know that you care
And an existence without you is something I cannot even think to bear.
The sound of your voice is one of my favorite harmonies,
And your touch is the completion to my most complex of melodies.
The shield I put between everyone I know is something that you can break
because your simple absence seems to make every part of me ache.
And I feel it is so necessary for me to tell you that
This pounding in my chest
is something that I just refuse to let rest.

Invisible Emotions.

Music hides the voices we can't speak;
the voices we refuse to sound or creak.
It serves as a reason to our defining;
it serves as an aspect to our silver lining.
In times of our growing desperation,
it prevents our need for throwing away emotion.
In utter chaos it can be our getaway,
to reveal the things that we are unable to say.
Music hides the voices we can't speak;
the voices that leave us nothing but weak.